why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
