the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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