i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
