now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Couch. On fire.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
