Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
