i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
