Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
