it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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