What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
