Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
