dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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