Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
