Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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