return my video game
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's always time for handjobs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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