I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
