I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
