I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
