Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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