i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nicole vs. Life
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
