So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
