I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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