These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
