Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
