I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
