Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
