I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
