dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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