four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
