oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
