just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
