the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
