I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
