Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think people are normalizing furries
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