I think i peed on brittanys purse
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
