she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
