im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
