is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
