I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
