theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
