Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
