Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
