I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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