Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
