bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
