she was so not down for the gang bang
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so let's talk penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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