i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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