i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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