True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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