you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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