In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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