I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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